thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
