I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
