If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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