I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
