everyone is single if you try hard enough
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
