NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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