I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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