I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
