here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
