Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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