The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
