My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We are two peas in an std pod
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
