There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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