I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
