Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There's always time for handjobs
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
