I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
