We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
