what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
