a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
