bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
