Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
