i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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