She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
