Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize