it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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