some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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