We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
