he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
