and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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