I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
