So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
