Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
babies were throwing up all over the place
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
