so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
