if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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