so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
