:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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