I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
