She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
