This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
