No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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