Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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