There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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