i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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