We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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