He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
