I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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