just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
