dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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