The beer is more important than you right now.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
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He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
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The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
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