You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
