dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
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