i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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