If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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