So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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