The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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