The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
