he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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