What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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