Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
