And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
