yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
His hands were made for my vagina.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
