Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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