Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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