Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
