sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
my poor anus
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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