I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
