You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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