I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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