It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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