on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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