She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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