She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
