Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Randomize
