U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
