saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
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I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
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We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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