Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
