Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
