Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
