Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
