I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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