if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Buhtt sex?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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