CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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