Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
